I folded myself in the corner of the tub as I felt the coldness of the porcelain reach a standstill with the warmth of the bathwater. Burnt out candle wicks and ash stains began to corrupt the clarity of my reflection. Needless to say, it bothered me quite deeply.
No amount of hair pulling or aggressive wiping of the mascara streaks sufficed the excruciating torment that silently screamed in my mind. The thoughts—the thoughts just kept descending themselves into the crevices inside. My pleas and cries did me no justice, the heaviness in my heart suffocated me. I wasn’t capable of holding onto Sanity any longer.
I reached for it. I felt it. And the familiar mixture of comforting satisfaction and shame welcomed me back.
“Be still,” cooed Inner Peace as I leaned against her shoulders—softening the muffled hiccups.
“It will be okay,” whispered Reassurance as she embraced the worn out exterior of my soul.
“All is well,” whispered Security—placing my trembling hands over the exhausted beating inside.
The morbidity was both haunting and endearing as my long-lost companions gently cradled me to sleep. How childish they had been—to have lost the courage to stay all those times I had selfishly despaired for them. Were they now here on their terms and not my own? If that was the case, I had so much to bid goodbye to—to the people that tried to stay and to the people that had left.
There was just so much left unsaid—so much left to promise—